Ex-Husband's Regret

Don’t even get me started on Gunner. He is just a kid, yet I’ve done so much damage that I don’t even know where to begin fixing what I’ve broken. He’s my flesh and blood, yet I’ve done everything to run from that little fact.

I feel ashamed when I think of all I’ve put him through. I remember how Ava stood up for Noah. How she was ready to go toe to toe with me for his sake. I remember the fire burning in her eyes. She was ready to do anything to protect her son, yet I’ve done everything to hurt my own son.

“I don’t have all fucking day, Emma.” His sharp voice brings me back to reality.

“I was just driving around, and I ended up here,” I whisper, feeling really awkward.

The last time I saw him was when he told me that he was done with me. I never really got to know Calvin, and now I feel awkward around him. When you take out sex in the equation, we were basically strangers to each other.

“I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again… That I didn’t want you in my life or Gunner’s,” he folds his hands around his chest and making his bicep bulge. This text is © NôvelDrama/.Org.

“I know,” I answer, looking down at my feet. I feel so ashamed that it’s hard to keep eye contact with me.

We are quiet for a while, and Mom’s words come back to me.

How about you start by righting your wrongs?

Was it really that easy? And would he and Gunner even forgive me for years and years of pain?

“You need to leave, Emma.” Calvin’s voice interrupts my musings. “I don’t want Gunner to come home and find you here.”

Mom’s words keep playing in my head as I stare at him. The more I thought about them, the more I accepted them. Maybe it was time I made amends. The moment they settle inside me, peace washes over me.

This is why I ended up here. My heart and soul knew that this was what I needed to do. It was time to fix everything I destroyed with my bare hands, all because I couldn’t let go of a love that was dead and gone.

“Can I stay and meet him?” I ask, begging with my eyes. “I’m sorry for all the shit I put you and Gunner through. I want to fix things. Give me a chance to fix things and redeem myself. I want to be in his life.”

He stares at me for a while. His eyes penetrating mine. I hold my breath, waiting for his answer. Waiting to hear what he has to say.

My heart drops, and my soul shatters when he shakes his head. “No, the thing is, Emma, you’re already too late. The damage you caused can’t be undone. The pain is embedded deep inside our hearts, and I doubt it will ever go away. I gave you chances over and over again, but you threw them away. You’ve broken my son’s and my hearts; I won’t let you do that again. Neither will I let us be your second choice simply because Rowan no longer wants you. We’re done, Emma.”

He doesn’t give me a chance to reply; with that, he turns, walks inside, and slams the door in my face, leaving my heart bleeding on the floor.

This is all my fault. I’m responsible for my own heartbreak. If only I’d pulled my head out of my ass sooner. If only I’d tried making amends when I had the chance. If only I hadn’t been stubborn, maybe things would be different. Maybe I would have a relationship with Gunner.

I stand there for a while before walking back to my car, defeated, feeling like I’ve lost everything. I wipe the tears that fall down my face like a flowing river. He is right, though; he gave me so many chances, yet I blew them. I only have myself to blame, no one else.