Ex-Husband's Regret

I can’t stop the panic that fills me or the way my heart beats so wildly that I’m afraid it’s going to punch a hole through the center of my fucking chest.

What the hell am I doing here? Why would I come here of all places?

The questions keep swimming in my head, but for the love of me, I have no answer to any of them. Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.

When I decided to drive around, ending up where Calvin and Gunner live wasn’t on my mind. I just thought that I could drive around for a while just to escape the depressing atmosphere that surrounded me, then I would go back home, shower, and then take a nap.

Now here I am, at his place, and I’m confused about what to do. Should I just leave? Or should I check up on him? Maybe he’s not even at home. It’s a weekday, and I bet he’s at work.

Things between Calvin and me have always been complicated. Right from when we were in high school. He wanted me, and I didn’t. His efforts at trying to win me over when we were younger used to irritate me to no end.

I hated that he never gave up. I hated that he wanted me to be his, even though I had a boyfriend. Even though he knew that I was in love with Rowan. It used to piss me off when he

would start trouble with Rowan over me.

I just couldn’t get why he didn’t get that I didn’t want him and would never want him. Looking back at everything now, I see how he and Ava were so alike. Their determination to get the people they were in love with. Their stubbornness and refusal to give up are so similar. Sometimes I wonder how the hell they didn’t end up together.

It would have been perfect if they did. It would have saved all four of us the heartache and pain we have all been through.

Sighing, I push those thoughts away. There is no use wishing for things that can’t come true. Shit has already happened, and there is just no going back. What I have to do is look forward.

I looked outside for a moment before turning off my car. I debate for one second too long, then get out and just stand next to my car all the while staring at his house.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

Before I can chicken out, I suck in a deep breath and force my feet to move. I don’t know why I’m here or how I ended up here, but there is a damn good reason. The funny thing about a human’s instincts is that it always knows what you need, even when you don’t or don’t understand.

I get to the door and start pacing. Fuck, I probably look like a deranged person, but damn it. I

My wish is shattered when, all of a sudden, the door is wrenched open and Calvin’s pissed–off face appears.

“What the hell are you doing here, Emma?” He all but growls, the coldness of his voice sending shivers down my back

“I–I” I try to form the words, but nothing comes out of my mouth except a jumbled mess.

Heck, I didn’t know why the hell I was in here in the first place, so how can I even answer his question?

“Speak the fuck up!”

I fold my arms around myself. For the first time, I look at him. I mean, really, look at him.

I see the agony I’ve put him through over the years. I see the pain that is reflected not only in his eyes but also in his attitude towards me. I’ve been so selfish. Only thinking about myself and not really caring about the hurt I’ve put him through.

“How did you know I was here?” I ask instead, blinking away the tears that are now forming in my eyes.

“A neighbor called and told me there was a suspicious woman outside my house,” he answers curtly. “Now tell me why the fuck you’re here.”

Fuck, I’d been so stupid. I thought I was a good person and that Ava was the evil one, yet I was cruel towards Calvin. His only mistake was to love me. I hurt him over and over for that. Using him and treating him like trash,