Book 3 – Chapter 44
Raelyn’s POV
Fear grips me as I stare at Isaac in horror, my embarrassment from moments ago when Indigo shifted back into the very broad and very naked human form of the Beta long gone.
I can barely focus on the man in front of me, only his words penetrate my haze of worry.
‘Rae’ he murmurs again, ‘what is her name.’
‘Uhh . . uhh . . ‘ my mind is blank, I need a name, what the hell would my wolf be called? I’m pretty sure that there is a rule, but I can’t remember what it is?
Unable to deal with what is happening, I do the only thing I can do, I shove up off the ground and turn, running as fast as I can back toward the pack house. All I can think is that I need to get to my room, once there I can lock myself inside and I won’t have to deal with this.
I can hear Isaac calling me from behind, but I don’t stop, I just run as fast as I can, breaking through the tree line and dashing across the grounds as my chest constricts with pain.
I burst through the front doors. Ignoring the shouts of shock from the people inside, intent only on reaching somewhere I feel safe. What was I thinking? I should never have come here, I should never have gotten so close to Isaac! Of course his wolf would want to meet mine! Stupid! Stupid Raelyn!
I reach the first floor and fumble in my pocket for my key, almost dropping it as I pull it out of the front pocket of my jeans.
Reaching my door, it takes me three attempts to get the key into the lock before I turn it and shove the door open, stumbling inside. Turning to slam it shut, a large hand grabs the edge, forcing it open to reveal Isaac, now fully dressed, breathing heavily as he glares at me.
‘Let me in Rae’ he orders quietly.
I shake my head, trying to push the door closed, but the Beta is to damn strong, holding it open easily but not stepping inside as he watches me.
‘Let me in’ he says again, the hint of a plea in his voice that breaks my resolve. With a shuddering gulp, I stumble back, allowing the Beta to open the door fully and step inside, turning to shut it behind him before flicking the lock.
Slowly turning back to me, he fixes me with the penetrating gaze, studying me for a second before a sob slips from between my lips. My hands go to my face, covering my eyes as tears roll down my cheeks and I cry.
Two strong arms wrap around me, pulling me close as I bury my face into the rock hard chest in front of me. I can’t seem to stop the tears now that they’ve started, and I full on ugly cry, my heart breaking as I clutch onto the man who holds me up, brushing my hair soothingly with his strong but gentle hands, murmuring soft words against the top of my head.
Ten minutes it takes me before I can suck in a breath long enough to force the tears back, I pull away slightly, grimacing when I see the big wet stain on Isaac’s shirt.
‘Sorry’ I whisper, reaching out to try and wipe the mark, but Isaac grabs my wrist, holding it away from him, staring down at me as I look up at him worriedly.
‘Forget it’ he says softly, ‘it will wash.’
I nod, biting my l*p, wanting to pull my gaze from his, stop him looking through me as it makes me feel exposed and vulnerable.
‘Tell me Rae’ he whispers, a sad look in his eye, ‘just tell me.’
I try to summon up the courage, find something within me that will allow me to lie, but I can’t. My mouth won’t let me form the words, won’t let me outright deceive him.
‘I don’t have a wolf’ I whimper, ‘I didn’t show any signs of my wolf when I was younger and never heard her or felt her, I . . I’ve never shifted.’
I feel Isaac’s grip tighten on me as I curl in on myself, waiting for him to push me away, to scream at me, be disgusted, horrified, angry . . but it never happens.
‘I’m sorry’ I whimper, ‘I’m so sorry!’
‘You have nothing to be sorry about’ the Beta growls out, his fingers curling into my hair and holding me to him.
‘I lied’ I whisper, ‘I should have told Alpha Caden, Luna Jamie-Lee. . . I should never have come here . . ‘
‘Did Alpha Grant know?’ Isaac asks harshly, ‘Alpha Jasper?’
I nod reluctantly, keeping my face hidden as I answer, my voice muffled by the muscular man that still holds me.
‘Everyone knew’ I admit, ‘the whole pack knew, it’s why they were all so weird about me being with you.’
Isaac slowly eases me back, moving me carefully toward the bed and helping me to sit on the edge before the mattress bows beside me from his weight. He takes my hand in his, squeezing it encouragingly but says nothing, allowing me to speak at my own speed.
‘Alpha Grant realised that there was something wrong when I was younger, I couldn’t run as fast as the other kids, if I got hurt, it took me longer to heal. At first it was just brushed off as maybe I was a late bloomer you know? Sometimes, with the lower ranks, their wolves take a little longer to start emerging. I was a foundling, no one knew who my parents were, I was left at the border at only a few hours old so my rank was a mystery. The longer my wolf took to emerge, the more people started to whisper that maybe the Alpha’s adopted kid was an Omega. Alpha and Luna didn’t care though, or their kids, they loved me and always said that my wolf would come when she was ready.’
I suck in a shuddering breath, trying to keep control of my emotions, ‘when we were teenagers though, I got hurt in training, my partner broke my arm. For any other wolf, that would have been a bit of a nuisance, but it should have healed within hours.’ I glance up at him, ‘it took four weeks for my arm to repair itself.
After that, I was only allowed to train with the Omegas, a few years later it was changed to training with the younger pups and it’s been like that ever since.
When my wolf didn’t come forward, Alpha Grant was . . . over protective,’ I laugh self consciously, the noise shrill to my own ears. ‘He started to give me jobs that would keep me out of the way when other packs came to visit or get Jasper to occupy me in the Alpha suite so I didn’t leave. He could only do that for a little while though before I started to ask questions, jasper was the next Alpha, he should have been shadowing his dad, shmoozing with the visitors, not babysitting me. Finally Alpha Grant came clean, sat me down with the Luna and explained that with me being wolfless, I could be in danger.
He told me about what happens to wolfless wolves outside of our pack, that he’d already had to kick out two of our members who had been overheard speaking about me in a less than ideal way.’
A snarl crawls up Isaac’s throat, and his grip on my hand is almost crushing my fingers, making me wince.
‘Sorry’ he mutters, relaxing his grip immediately as I flex my fingers a little before lacing them between his, drawing comfort from his touch.
‘Alpha Grant placed an order on the entire pack, no one was allowed to mention me to anyone who was not an initiated member. He had the pack house redesigned, putting in passageways that would let me walk around without being seen.’ I shrug my shoulders slightly, ‘he knew I couldn’t just hide for a week every month, it would have driven me crazy. I need to be useful, a productive member of my pack’ I blurt out, meeting Isaac’s gaze for the first time, trying to get him to understand how deeply I needed to be more than just the wolfless girl.
‘I’ve spent years hiding from anyone from the outside, hardly anyone knows I exist’ I mutter.
The Beta’s hand is warm around my own, ‘so how is it that I met you?’ he asked curiously.
I smile for the first time since I came back to my room, ‘umm, that was a mistake’ I admit, cringing slightly. ‘You were supposed to be training with everyone else, I thought I could sneak in, drop off your shampoo and leave without anyone ever knowing. I didn’t expect you to be there all . . . you know’ I add with a blush, waving my hand up and down his body.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g
Isaac chuckles, ‘so is that how you just vanished that day?’ he murmurs, ‘I could not figure out how you did it! Even I can’t move that fast, you had like a few seconds between leaving and me opening the door again.’
I grin, looking up at him, ‘there was a secret passageway behind the bookcase next to your room.’
Isaac shakes his head, amused, before sobering slightly, ‘so why did you come here?’ he asks quietly, ‘surely it was dangerous, though I now understand Alpha Grant’s reluctance to let you come. I was honestly a little pushy as I thought he was trying to control your life’ he adds gruffly.
‘He was just worried’ I sigh, ‘he can control our pack members, he even had something woven into the order so that anyone who leaves the pack cannot speak about me.’
I suck in a deep breath, ‘I thought I could be normal here, just like everyone else. Not having anyone going pale because they bumped into me or having semi heavy boxes lifted out of my arms because, you know, the wolfless girl can’t do what everyone else does’ I utter, slightly bitterly.
The Beta smiles knowingly, ‘yeah, I kind of already knew that people seeing you as less capable than them was something you hated’ he teases.
I drop my gaze to my lap, ‘I know you have to tell Alpha Caden’ I mutter, ‘I understand, and I also understand that he will want to send me back, I’m hardly a great candidate for a new pack member.’
Isaac stiffens beside me, a growl of displeasure rolling through him before he shakes his head determinedly.
‘No’ I snarls firmly, making me jump.
‘No?’ I repeat in confusion.
‘No we are not telling Caden’ Isaac grumbles, ‘well at least not until the full moon. If Caden sends you back, then Lance has to return to us as the trade will be invalid.’ He looks down at me in concern, ‘you agreed to this, partly so that our warrior could win over his mate, and honestly, whether you have a wolf or not shouldn’t make any difference! You are still a she wolf and whether you have a wolf or not is really no one else’s business.’
I stare at the Beta sadly, ‘you know that isn’t true’ I whisper, ‘having no wolf isn’t something small. I’m a liability to the pack, my own pack had protocols in place for me if there was an attack on the borders, if we keep this from Alpha Caden and there is an attack, he won’t know how much protection I need. I could actually put other wolves in danger due to my weakness.’
Guilt grips me at the truth behind my own words, the pure selfishness of my actions slamming into me. All I thought about was the life I wanted, not the impact that my desires could have on everyone around me.
‘I’ll protect you’ Isaac snarls, Indigo flashing across his eyes as he looks down at me. ‘I will always protect you Rae, from anything’ he adds firmly.
I nod, meeting his gaze as I prepare myself to say the hardest thing I’ve ever said to someone. ‘You know that we can never be together though right?’ I ask quietly, ‘I’m not just a low level pack member who would struggle to keep up with you, I’m wolfless. I can’t ever be a Beta female, I can’t help you protect the pack or train warriors, your mark won’t have any affect on me because there is no wolf to be affected.’
I watch Isaac’s eyes close, the Beta breathing heavily as he absorbs the words that hang between us like a veil.
‘I know’ he replies finally, and my chest constricts at the desolation in his voice before he opens his eyes and stares at me hungrily. ‘I don’t care though’ he adds simply, ‘I really like you Rae . . in fact . . I’m pretty sure I love you.’
My mouth falls open as I shrink away from the words that I both desperately wanted to hear but equally want to force back into his mouth, protect us both from what they mean.
‘You love me?’ I whimper, my heart breaking because I already know . . I love him too.