The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

“For you. I’m sorry for being a jerk and if I acted that way. Do you want anything else aside from the flowers, Diane? Just tell me, and I’ll buy it now. I can give everything you want,” Leandro offered, but I didn’t reply.

His face was so close to me that I could tell right away that he came here after drowning himself in liquor. He reeked of alcohol, and his breath was too stinky that I wanted to throw up everything I ate earlier.

He placed the bouquet beside me, knelt in front of me, and held my hands tightly. I was quite shocked because even though Leandro was obsessed, greedy, and egotistic, he doesn’t deserve to kneel in front of me. Actually, no one deserved to kneel in front of anybody.

Leandro was the type of guy who would never take the blame and would never allow someone to block his way. He would never say sorry because the word was not even included in his vocabulary. But for me, he was willing to do it.

There was still a soft side in him. I could feel it. However, my heart doesn’t belong to him, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t force myself to love him because my happiness was not being with him.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

Liam was about to enter the door, but I just shook my head-silently signaling him to stay outside. That it was okay if his brother would hold my hands and I could still handle him. Leandro might be triggered again if Liam would intervene.

“Before anything else, please hear me out, okay? Diane, you only met Liam for damn two days, while you’ve already known me for two years straight.” Leandro was getting hysterical with his pleas while impatiently squeezing my hands as he continued.

“You’re just c-confused because we are a bit look-alike, but I know that it was me who you really liked. Please, Diane… I will forget everything that happened, just choose me. I am begging you. I love you so much that I can’t live without you.” 

After he said those words, I saw how Leandro’s first tear fell from his left eye until his tears fell one by one on his cheeks. The cut on the left side of his lips was still fresh, but I knew it was nothing compared to the pain on his chest. It was the first time I saw him too miserable and crestfallen.

And it was all because of me. But can I blame myself if I really didn’t want him? Can I force myself to return his feelings when I couldn’t like him even just an inch? Even though Leandro loved me so much, it doesn’t mean that I would have to love him back! I didn’t mean to hurt him, but he was also the one who was hurting himself.

Now, he was getting delusional while accusing me of being confused with my own feelings. I definitely knew that I loved his brother, not him.

Yes, they were look-alike, and I would never deny it. But the first time I ever laid my eyes on Liam, I could easily distinguish their differences. The first time I saw Liam, I felt something strange I never felt for Leandro in two years. I even met his brother while avoiding him.

As I said before, Leandro was indeed boyfriend material. So, yes. There were times I secretly tried. I tried to like him back, but I could not. I could not stand his possessiveness and arrogance.

He tightened his grip on my hands, and he kissed them both. Soon after, his tears never stopped streaming down his face. Those already reached his chin, neck and even stained his white polo underneath. No matter how I tried not to hurt him, it was already happening. I tilted my head for this realization before I glanced back at him.

“Leandro, I’m sorry for everything. You knew right from the start that our feelings were not mutual, right? I already made it clear to you that I have nothing else to give you aside from friendship.”

Actually, I was a bit tired of explaining this to him. How many times did I make it clear to him, but he never listened and just continued insisting on his unrequited feelings for me? It was too many times already.

“Your brother and I are already together. You should accept it whether you liked it or not. I’m sorry, Leandro… but I love Liam. Why don’t you just be happy for us?” I explained and tried to make him understand. I hoped that I could change what was circulating on his mind right now.

Even for once, at least once… I wanted Leandro to learn that he could not get everything he wanted, and I wasn’t a thing. I wanted to see how he would give up and accept things the way they used to be. I wanted to show him that love could never be forced, and what he felt for me wasn’t love at all. I had my own decision, and I wasn’t his possession. Even for once, I wanted Leandro to grow and learn to let go.

“Diane, you might never remember about this, but I already had the chance to meet you when you were only seventeen… and I already loved you ever since then!” Leandro cried.

What is he talking about? I was nineteen when I first met him in Lucy’s Club. I frowned.

“Don’t you remember? Well, just give me a chance, and I will make you remember. I was the one who bumped with you outside your school. I held a glass of soft drinks then, and it was splashed on you, staining your uniform in the process. I offered you my hanky, but you refused to accept it. You were in your freshman year way back then.” Leandro’s eyes began to spark while telling me something about how we met outside the club.

But I remained silent while narrowing my eyes because I couldn’t remember anything from what he was telling me. How was he able to make up those stories?

“You know what, it wasn’t accidental. I intentionally did that for you to notice me. Please, Diane… just choose me! You just have to concentrate and focus on me, and it won’t be hard for you to love me. You can love me, right? Please… tell me you can love me,” Leandro pleaded in front of me while unstoppably kissing my hands.

Then, he gulped before he continued. “I promise that I will love you more than you can ever think of. I won’t hurt you, and I will change everything you didn’t like about me. I will no longer be selfish and controlling, just stay with me. You can do that, right?”

“I can even accept the fact that Liam was your ex-boyfriend if you will break up with him, but I can’t share you with him. I can’t live without you. Diane, please…” Leandro was already sobbing-begging for something that would never happen. It was crushing my heart, knowing he was a friend.

When I could smile and burst into laughter over small and simple things, so as my tears. And because of the pity that I felt now for Leandro, I couldn’t help but shed tears too. I pulled my hands away from him and immediately wiped the tears on my cheeks.

Then, I cleared my throat. “Leandro, you don’t know what you are talking about, and that is not the right definition of love. Please… if you really love me, you will be happy for me and Liam. If you really love me, you will let go of me for the sake of my happiness.”

“Because if you really love someone, their happiness matters to you the most. Many women are still much better than me and who you much deserved to be with-those who are more beautiful, kinder, and smarter. I’m sure you will meet someone who will love you unconditionally, but it wasn’t me.” Soon after, my chest began to constrict, and it made me hard to breathe.

“Leandro, please listen to me. True love is a natural thing that we can never force ourselves to feel. It is not about coercion, rather, a sacrifice. Learn to let go because I can never teach my heart to love you the way you wanted to be loved. I don’t want to hurt you, and I want you to know that I tried so hard to control my feelings for Liam because I thought of what you would feel first.” I snuffled.

“But I’m sorry, Leandro. I can’t resist my feelings for him because I truly love your brother. I love Liam, and I am not hallucinating that he was you because you two were look-alike,” I emphasized.

“You asked me earlier what I want aside from these flowers, right? But can you really give me what I want without spending your money? Can you sacrifice for me? Please, just let us be happy. Please allow me to be happy. That’s all I want to ask from you,” I pleaded to Leandro while bowing my head.

It was too late for me to realize that my eyes were already blurred with tears. Those even covered both of my cheeks.

Leandro used his two palms to wipe them off, and that made me look at him. I must admit that for two years, this was the very first time I felt his gentleness. He cupped my face on what he did before he opened his lips.

“Is that what you really want, Diane? Will you really be happy with Liam?” Full of pain, Leandro bitterly asked.