Pregnant For My Bully

Amelia Forbes

“Forbes!” The shout from Mrs Sandra jolted me from my distracted stance. I looked up to see her watching me, hands planted on her hips.

Oh no. I knew there was a quiz going on, but I’d somehow lost focus in the middle of it.

Slowly, I stood to my feet.

“Is there something interesting going on outside?” Mrs Sandra asked, the annoyed look still visible on her face.

I shook my head rapidly, wanting to get through this embarrassment as soon as possible.

“I asked you a question. What’s the gap between two contiguous teeth called?”

My fingers rolled into a fist and I tried to think. But nothing was coming up.

Some seats away from me Kimberly whispered something into her friend’s ear and after a while I could hear murmurs.

“I heard her grades have been dropping.”

“The female Einstein has fallen.”

“Is she sick or something?”

“Dumb bitch!”

I didn’t turn to the sound of the voice but I knew it was Jason. Instead I racked my brain for an answer, ignoring the sneering from my classmates. My hands, which were now sweaty, shook.

Someone sitting beside me tapped me urgently but lightly.

I turned to see Benson scribbling something in his book, then opening the page for me to see.

Facing Mrs Sandra, I said, “Diastema.”

She observed me curiously and then yelled, “5 marks!”

Picking up her books she said, “You homework should be submitted first thing tomorrow morning.”

With that she exited and I could feel my chest relaxing. Giving Benson a grateful look, I grabbed my books and made my escape.

Getting to my locker, I grabbed my backpack. I needed to get home. I was really tired.

Absentmindedly, I placed a hand on my stomach. Anxiety and pain bubbling in my chest, I felt the urge to scream. But I held it back and proceeded to the doors.

“Hey, Mel!”

I turned to see Benson running up to me. Yes, I was grateful for his help earlier but I didn’t think it signified anything more.

“Wanna walk home together?” He asked, a hopeful look in his eyes.

I breathed deeply. “Look Benson, thanks for. . . earlier. I’m really grateful. But that. . . it doesn’t mean we’re friends again. It takes more than that, okay?”

I gave him a sad smile and looked away, heading for the door.

“Wait!”

I paused.

“I-I know a lot has happened between us, and that I’ve been a terrible friend. But I really want a second chance. Please, give me a chance. . . give us a chance. Let’s just talk, please?”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“This weekend?”

“Sure.” I nodded.

All I hoped for was that he wouldn’t hurt me yet again.

Amelia Forbes

My eyes hurt as I stared down at my notes, trying to study. I needed to sit up. It was crucial that I do now as I really needed to ace my exams.

It was difficult as I’d started feeling tired all the time now, and it felt like something was eating me up inside out.

I shook my head and focused on my notes. I needed to finish my homework before noon so I could do something else.

The sound of my door pushing open took my attention to it and I looked up to see Nana making her way into my room.

As soon as I saw her, a certain shame filled me up and I couldn’t bear to look at her.

I was scared. Scared that she’d look at me and see how much of a disappointment I really was. See that I’d let myself be raped. See that I’d somehow gotten pregnant at 18. The shame she’d feel when people stared at me in the street, my stomach bulging out. The shame I’d feel. . .

She made her way to my bed, sitting on my bed and gently rubbing my arm.

Are you okay? She signed, worry filling her eyes.

I could see the heaviness in her eyes. The stress. She looked weak and tired. I was stressing her out.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

Guilt poked me sharply in the chest.

I nodded, trying to force a smile.

The look on her face showed that she clearly didn’t believe me.

She tightened her hold on my arm saying, You can talk to me about anything, baby.

I lowered my eyes, not knowing what to say. I was exhausted.

I’m fine, I signed, gesturing to myself to prove my point.

You look so sick, sweetheart, Nana said. Maybe we should go the the hospital?

“No!” I yelled, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. The doctor might run tests. I can’t. . .

I was struggling to breathe and I began to count numbers in my head to calm myself.

Breathe, Mel. Breathe.

See? You’re not okay, Nana insisted, placing her hands on either sides of my face.

I gently moved her hand away.

I’m fine Nana, just tired, I assured her.

After a while of watching me write in my notes, she stood, leaving the cookies she had brought in on the table next to me.

I thanked her and bent over my books, pretending to write in it.

The first tear escaped my eyes as the door clicked shut. I watched it drop onto my book, soaking into the sheet.

I let myself sob loudly, comforted that at least Nana wouldn’t be able to hear me. I cried for everything. My parents, my grades, my friendships, my life. . .

“I just-I just want to feel anything. . . other than worthless,” I could feel my head pound as the tears streamed down.

I’m so freaking tired. So tired. . .

“I don’t know what to do,” I whimpered as the pen I held in my fingers dropped to the ground.

I was so tired of crying. It was the only thing I could do.

I didn’t remember how to feel happy. What happiness felt like. I just wanted to stop feeling like. . . this.

Wiping my eyes with a tissue, I pulled my damp hair into a ponytail and continued with my homework, hoping that someday, somehow, I’d be okay.

Amelia Forbes

It was 5pm. 5 hours since Nana had left me alone to study. I had waited till Nana was asleep to leave the house quietly.

I’d made my way to the liquor store, taking my position on the bench across it. For some reason they were closed today. Not like I minded though.

I didn’t even know what I was doing here. All I knew was that I needed to have some fresh air and breathe.

I slumped deeper into the bench, unbuttoning my cardigan and letting the cold air caress me. Sighing, I soaked it all in, liking the distraction and letting my worries fly away.

A light tap on my shoulder jolted me awake and I looked up to see Dani staring at me, a confused look on her face.

“What’s up?” She asked, taking a seat beside me.

I shut my eyes tightly. “How did you find me?”

I just wanted to be alone right now.

“I didn’t. I come here to chill sometimes, remember?”

Oh.

We sat in silence for a while, doing nothing but enjoying the serenity when Dani broke the silence.

“Wanna talk about it?” She asked softly, rubbing her right arm up and down.

Was I that obvious? I wondered. And why did she even care. Were we friends now? I mean, I guess I liked her well enough. But could I let myself trust her?

I wasn’t sure.

So I shook my head. She nodded in understanding and the silence took over again.

“So. . . exams are coming up, yeah? And I realized I needed a study partner.” She turned to me. “And I was wondering if you’d be up for it.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t ready to start tutoring anyone.

“Please,” She begged. “I’m smart, I promise. I just need to study with the right person.”

“I’m sorry, Dani I can’t-”

“He hits us.” She said suddenly, quietly.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“My dad. He hits us. I’d look for any reason to not spend so much time at that house.”

Something squeezed in my chest as I watched her look away and stare into the distance.

“I-I’m so sorry,” Was the only thing I managed to whisper.

Dani wiped her now wet eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie and let out a loud laugh. “Mehh, I’m good.”

After a while of racking my brain, the only thing I could do was reaching out to grab her arm. Then I squeezed, hoping it would communicate to her all the things I couldn’t say.

For the first time in my life, aside from Mom and Nana, I enveloped a female in a real, genuine hug and let her cry on my shoulder.