Loving Quinn Novel by North Rose

(Quinn)

My night is going how I predicted. A little backward in activities, but that works for me. My date was running late, so I waited in her living room for almost thirty minutes. When Rebecca finally came out of her room, things went from polite to heated faster than intended. The next thing I know, I have her pinned up against a wall.

I hold her hands above her head as she wraps her long legs around my waist. I fused my mouth to hers as I pump in and out of her tight pussy. Our kisses muffle her moans of pleasure. Soon I have her bent over the back of her sofa. Hands fisted in her hair as I lost. myself to the pleasures of the flesh. Once we finish, we both shower, then get dressed once more. Our two hours of fun makes us late for the fundraiser. I have to say that it was worth it in the end.

An hour after arriving, I leave Rebecca at the bar so I can go outside to have a bit of fresh air. Being at events like this is still new to me. I have been to them before, but always when I was on active duty. Being here as a donor is different. The setting remains similar. Hundreds of people stuffed into formal attire, Food, drink, and musical entertainment. All of that crammed into a large banquet hall, museum, or outside if the weather permits.

I can only handle being at these things for a few hours. After looking at my watch, I see that I have an hour left of the time I agreed to stay. Heaving a sigh of resignation, I turn and head back inside. As I am walking back to the ballroom to find Rebecca, I hear a woman shouting to be let go.

The smart thing to do would be to keep walking. However, after hearing a man’s voice yell back, I changed directions. I veer off toward the raised voices.

I see a man and woman struggling. The man has his hand on the woman’s arm and is up in. her face, screaming at her. I can’t see her face, but the sound of her voice triggers something in my mind.

When I see the man raise his arm to strike her, I step forward to catch his hand before he can hit her. This causes him to spin around to glare at me with the righteous indignation of a drunk man. From the smell coming off him, I would say his drink of choice is vodka.

A gasp brings my attention to the woman. The face I see makes my eyes go wide. Holy fucking shit. Annora Winters is standing right before my eyes. My first love and the only woman who has been able to set my soul on fire.

Right here in the flesh this time and not in a dream.

Her auburn hair is pulled away from her face with a few curls left loose. The dress she is wearing shows off her womanly curves to perfection. Her body has matured in a very amazing way. Gone is the teenage girl of the past. Standing before me is the woman she became.

During the ensuing conversation, I learned she was married to that asshole. Chasing him and the overly flirty new wife away was the best course of action. I would love to break the man’s for trying to hit Annora, but doing that in a public setting like this is a bad idea. When Annora almost faints, I carry her to a bench, then go grab a glass of water for her.

After she regains her composure, I stand up and hold my hand out for her. She looks up at me with those amazing hazel eyes. I can see the uncertainty swimming in their depths. I can feel the nerves pumping off her in waves.

She takes my hand and I lead her outside to get some fresh air. I find a bench to sit on and I can feel her eyes on me once I sit. It makes me feel a little nervous. It has been so long since we have sat like this together.

I cover her hand with mine and run my thumb over the back of her hand. It used to soothe her in the past whenever she was upset about something. I am happy to know that I can still soothe her like this. I did it to help and mainly because I always had the need to touch her in some small way.

I can see that hasn’t changed either.

The way she is staring at me is cute. Her cheeks are flushed and I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with the incident with her ex–husband. Before we came outside she‘ complimented me on my uniform by telling me that I looked good in it.

Officer uniforms are usually magnets for women. Annora is different even though I can tell by the way her eyes travel over my body that she is thinking the same thing most women do.

What will I look like without the uniform on?

I am more than willing to show her.

After what feels like forever, I stand up and hold my hand out to her. “Come dance with me.”

This time, Annora smiles at me. It was like everything else in the world fell away in that moment, just having her smile up at me. She took my hand hesitantly at first, then more firmly so I could lead her into the ballroom. I lead her onto the dance floor just as a slow ballad comes through the speakers. Perfect, a song that will give me the chance to hold her close to me again.

As we swayed to the music, my heart pounds wildly in my chest. Running into her tonight is amazing, yet terrible. I get to see her in this amazing satin ball gown as it clings to her body like a glove. The downside is that I now know that I will be fighting an uphill battle from here on out.

“There have been so many times where I heard your voice in my head. Hearing it tonight when you defended me from Kyle was like going back in time.”

Hearing her say this makes bad things happen to my heart. I feel it fluttering it did around her all those years ago. Would it be a bad thing to fall backwards in time? Can I allow myself to be vulnerable to this woman in my arms? Will she be able to handle the demons that chase me? I can’t even handle them most of the time. How can I ask her to do that?

No, I can’t ask her to do that. The boy she once knew is gone. In his place is a battle weary soldier with too many scars to count. I won’t put that on anyone as long as I live. No matter how much my heart and soul beg me to. (2)

“Where will you go after tonight? Where are you stationed?” Annora whispers to me as we sway to the music.

“I am only in the reserves now, currently not on active duty unless called up for action.” I tell her. Now is my time to explain to her I live right here in California.

“Oh, so are you only here tonight for the fundraiser?” She asks, looking up at me.

“No,” I tell her.

“Are you staying longer?”

Before I can respond to her further, the speaker for the event announces that dinner is now being served in the dining room. That was also when my date for the evening made her presence known. Great. I don’t want to be separated from Annora yet.

“There you are, Quinn. I have been looking all over for you. Oh, who is this?” Rebecca asks as she steps up next to me to grab my arm.

“This is Annora. I am going to spend some time with her for a while. Can you please go find Aaron?” I tell her.

“What the fuck? You bring me here, ditch me at the bar, now you are choosing this tramp over me?” Rebecca screams. She pulls on my arm to make me face her and stomps her foot.

“I will choose her over you every time. Now don’t embarrass yourself further, please go now.” I pull my arm away from her, stepping back out of her reach.

“You will regret this,” Rebecca says, then she storms off.

I look back to see Annora just staring at me. The look in her eyes makes me flinch. She is looking at me with disgust and disappointment. What did I do? I chose her over another woman? Why is that wrong?

“Did you really have to do that? I would have stepped aside for your date had I known you had one,” Annora hisses at me, her eyes glittering with her anger.

“I dismissed her so we could spend more time together. How is that a bad thing?” I ask in confusion.

“We could have just exchanged numbers so we can meet up before you leave town. However, it is how you dismissed her, Quinn. She isn’t a soldier to give orders to. Are you even human anymore? What happened to that kind–hearted boy from twelve years ago?” She demanded.

“War, battles for innocent lives, that boy no longer exists.” I tell her with no emotion in my voice.

Annora recoils as if I slapped her. My words are the truth, but maybe I could have phrased it better. Hell, this night is going down in flames before it ever gets started. Did I actually think it was going to be that easy to pick up where we left off? What a fucking moron I am being to believe that.

“I am sorry,” I say to her in a low tone.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.

Without another word, I turn around and walk away from her. My heart constricts painfully as I do. I am an asshole. With a heavy sigh, I decide to find Rebecca to apologize for my harsh words. I made the donation for the foundation when I arrived earlier, so once I find Rebecca I will leave.

As I am looking for her, I find Aaron with his date. They look disheveled as they walk down the hallway from the bathrooms. From the sly grin he gives me, I can assume what their bathroom activities were. Giving him a nod, I continue my search for Rebecca.

1 find her sitting on a bench in the hall on her phone. When she notices me approaching, a glare replaces her sad look. I hold my hands up, signaling that I come in peace. She hangs up her phone, stomps over to me, then slaps me across the face. I guess I deserved that, or worse, in fact, if she kicked me in the balls next, I would accept it.

“Hey, I know I deserved that, I am sorry for what I said and how I said it. I have only one explanation for you, but I would like to tell you somewhere else. Can I drive you home? I will tell you a story on the way,” I say to her as she continues to glare at me.

“I already called a cab. There isn’t anything you can say to me that will make what you did any better.” She yells at me.

In the past two years, I have never felt guilty for how I have treated women. I have never abused them. Everything I have done with my dates has always been upfront from the start. They all knew that I don’t do long term. One night is all they get. Except for two women from my past that I let past my defenses. One almost broke me to leave behind, while the other one I almost killed for what she did to me.

“Do you remember your first love?” I ask her.

My question takes her off guard, making her just gape at me, then she blinks once and nods her head. I take that as a sign to continue.

“That woman in there was mine. Twelve long years ago was the last time I saw her. Right before I shipped off to basic training. I wanted more time with her tonight, but how I went about it was wrong and I am sorry I hurt you.” I confess with disappointment in my voice.

“I can find my way home if you want to go back in there,” Rebecca replies after she blinks her eyes a few times.

“No, I have done enough damage tonight to both of you. I would like to make up for my rude behavior and take you home. Can you at least let me make sure you get home safely after I acted like a monkey’s ass?” I ask her.

Rebecca let out a small chuckle but agreed with a small nod of her head. I hold out my arm for her, then lead her from the hotel. I told her the story of how I met Annora on the her house. I decided halfway there to take her to a small diner to have dinner. There she shared her first love story with me. I agreed to help her find the man that still held her heart. He, too, was a soldier in the United States Armed Forces.

“You surprised me tonight. The cold and distant mask you wear slipped when you told me about your past. She is beautiful.”

“I surprised myself too. She is one of two women that I have let past my guard. Her power over me is strong because she still owns my soul.”

“Do you really think you can find him? Why would you do that for me after how I acted. tonight?” Rebecca asks.

“If he is still active, I can try. I am doing this because I know what it is like to be separated from your heart.”

I have the connections to find the man, and after hearing her voice as she told me her story, I feel I owe it to them both to reunite them. Who knows, maybe their story will end better than mine. The way Annora looked at me lets me know that there may never be a happy ending for us.

I know the coming battle will be difficult for me. This one won’t involve bullets flying by my head, explosions in the distance, or the fear that today will be my last on this earth. This war will be e one of the mind against the heart and soul. My heart is still with that eighteen–year- old who claimed it as hers long ago. My mind knows that I am no longer the boy she loved.

This war is mine to fight alone.

Even when we “come home from the military… if there’s been trauma–there’ll pieces. missing, broken, even psyches fractured. And there’s no putting it back together the w…

ing, I leave Rebecca at the bar so I can go outside to have a bit of fresh air. Being at events like this is still new to me. I have been to them before, but always when I was on active duty. Being here as a donor is different. The setting remains similar. Hundreds of people stuffed into formal attire, Food, drink, and musical entertainment. All of that crammed into a large banquet hall, museum, or outside if the weather permits.

I can only handle being at these things for a few hours. After looking at my watch, I see that I have an hour left of the time I agreed to stay. Heaving a sigh of resignation, I turn and head back inside. As I am walking back to the ballroom to find Rebecca, I hear a woman shouting to be let go.

The smart thing to do would be to keep walking. However, after hearing a man’s voice yell back, I changed directions. I veer off toward the raised voices.

I see a man and woman struggling. The man has his hand on the woman’s arm and is up in. her face, screaming at her. I can’t see her face, but the sound of her voice triggers something in my mind.

When I see the man raise his arm to strike her, I step forward to catch his hand before he can hit her. This causes him to spin around to glare at me with the righteous indignation of a drunk man. From the smell coming off him, I would say his drink of choice is vodka.

A gasp brings my attention to the woman. The face I see makes my eyes go wide. Holy f***g s**t. Annora Winters is standing right before my eyes. My first love and the only woman who has been able to set my soul on fire.

Right here in the flesh this time and not in a dream.

Her auburn hair is pulled away from her face with a few curls left loose. The dress she is wearing shows off her womanly curves to perfection. Her body has matured in a very amazing way. Gone is the teenage girl of the past. Standing before me is the woman she became.

During the ensuing conversation, I learned she was married to that a****hole. Chasing him and the overly flirty new wife away was the best course of action. I would love to break the man’s for trying to hit Annora, but doing that in a public setting like this is a bad idea. When Annora almost faints, I carry her to a bench, then go grab a glass of water for her.

After she regains her composure, I stand up and hold my hand out for her. She looks up at me with those amazing hazel eyes. I can see the uncertainty swimming in their depths. I can feel the nerves pumping off her in waves.

She takes my hand and I lead her outside to get some fresh air. I find a bench to sit on and I can feel her eyes on me once I sit. It makes me feel a little nervous. It has been so long since we have sat like this together.

I cover her hand with mine and run my thumb over the back of her hand. It used to soothe her in the past whenever she was upset about something. I am happy to know that I can still soothe her like this. I did it to help and mainly because I always had the need to touch her in some small way.

I can see that hasn’t changed either.

The way she is staring at me is cute. Her cheeks are flushed and I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with the incident with her ex-husband. Before we came outside she’ complimented me on my uniform by telling me that I looked good in it.

Officer uniforms are usually magnets for women. Annora is different even though I can tell by the way her eyes travel over my body that she is thinking the same thing most women do.

What will I look like without the uniform on?

I am more than willing to show her.

After what feels like forever, I stand up and hold my hand out to her. “Come dance with me.”

This time, Annora smiles at me. It was like everything else in the world fell away in that moment, just having her smile up at me. She took my hand hesitantly at first, then more firmly so I could lead her into the ballroom. I lead her onto the dance floor just as a slow ballad comes through the speakers. Perfect, a song that will give me the chance to hold her close to me again.

As we swayed to the music, my heart pounds wildly in my chest. Running into her tonight is amazing, yet terrible. I get to see her in this amazing satin ball gown as it clings to her body like a glove. The downside is that I now know that I will be fighting an uphill battle from here on out.

“There have been so many times where I heard your voice in my head. Hearing it tonight when you defended me from Kyle was like going back in time.”

Hearing her say this makes bad things happen to my heart. I feel it fluttering it did around her all those years ago. Would it be a bad thing to fall backwards in time? Can I allow myself to be vulnerable to this woman in my arms? Will she be able to handle the demons that chase me? I can’t even handle them most of the time. How can I ask her to do that?

No, I can’t ask her to do that. The boy she once knew is gone. In his place is a battle weary soldier with too many scars to count. I won’t put that on anyone as long as I live. No matter how much my heart and soul beg me to. (2)

“Where will you go after tonight? Where are you stationed?” Annora whispers to me as we sway to the music.

“I am only in the reserves now, currently not on active duty unless called up for action.” I tell her. Now is my time to explain to her I live right here in California.

“Oh, so are you only here tonight for the fundraiser?” She asks, looking up at me.

“No,” I tell her.

“Are you staying longer?”

Before I can respond to her further, the speaker for the event announces that dinner is now being served in the dining room. That was also when my date for the evening made her presence known. Great. I don’t want to be separated from Annora yet.

“There you are, Quinn. I have been looking all over for you. Oh, who is this?” Rebecca asks as she steps up next to me to grab my arm.

“This is Annora. I am going to spend some time with her for a while. Can you please go find Aaron?” I tell her.

“What the f**k? You bring me here, ditch me at the bar, now you are choosing this t***p over me?” Rebecca screams. She pulls on my arm to make me face her and stomps her foot.

“I will choose her over you every time. Now don’t embarrass yourself further, please go now.” I pull my arm away from her, stepping back out of her reach.

“You will regret this,” Rebecca says, then she storms off.

I look back to see Annora just staring at me. The look in her eyes makes me flinch. She is looking at me with disgust and disappointment. What did I do? I chose her over another woman? Why is that wrong?

“Did you really have to do that? I would have stepped aside for your date had I known you had one,” Annora hisses at me, her eyes glittering with her anger.

“I dismissed her so we could spend more time together. How is that a bad thing?” I ask in confusion.

“We could have just exchanged numbers so we can meet up before you leave town. However, it is how you dismissed her, Quinn. She isn’t a soldier to give orders to. Are you even human anymore? What happened to that kind-hearted boy from twelve years ago?” She demanded.

“War, battles for innocent lives, that boy no longer exists.” I tell her with no emotion in my voice.

Annora recoils as if I slapped her. My words are the truth, but maybe I could have phrased it better. Hell, this night is going down in flames before it ever gets started. Did I actually think it was going to be that easy to pick up where we left off? What a f**g m***n I am being to believe that.

“I am sorry,” I say to her in a low tone.

Without another word, I turn around and walk away from her. My heart constricts painfully as I do. I am an a**hole. With a heavy sigh, I decide to find Rebecca to apologize for my harsh words. I made the donation for the foundation when I arrived earlier, so once I find Rebecca I will leave.

As I am looking for her, I find Aaron with his date. They look disheveled as they walk down the hallway from the bathrooms. From the sly grin he gives me, I can assume what their bathroom activities were. Giving him a nod, I continue my search for Rebecca.

1 find her sitting on a bench in the hall on her phone. When she notices me approaching, a glare replaces her sad look. I hold my hands up, signaling that I come in peace. She hangs up her phone, stomps over to me, then slaps me across the face. I guess I deserved that, or worse, in fact, if she kicked me in the balls next, I would accept it.

“Hey, I know I deserved that, I am sorry for what I said and how I said it. I have only one explanation for you, but I would like to tell you somewhere else. Can I drive you home? I will tell you a story on the way,” I say to her as she continues to glare at me.

“I already called a cab. There isn’t anything you can say to me that will make what you did any better.” She yells at me.

In the past two years, I have never felt guilty for how I have treated women. I have never abused them. Everything I have done with my dates has always been upfront from the start. They all knew that I don’t do long term. One night is all they get. Except for two women from my past that I let past my defenses. One almost broke me to leave behind, while the

other one I almost killed for what she did to me.

“Do you remember your first love?” I ask her.

My question takes her off guard, making her just gape at me, then she blinks once and nods her head. I take that as a sign to continue.

“That woman in there was mine. Twelve long years ago was the last time I saw her. Right before I shipped off to basic training. I wanted more time with her tonight, but how I went about it was wrong and I am sorry I hurt you.” I confess with disappointment in my voice.

“I can find my way home if you want to go back in there,” Rebecca replies after she blinks her eyes a few times.

“No, I have done enough damage tonight to both of you. I would like to make up for my rude behavior and take you home. Can you at least let me make sure you get home safely after I acted like a monkey’s a**” I ask her.

Rebecca let out a small chuckle but agreed with a small nod of her head. I hold out my arm for her, then lead her from the hotel. I told her the story of how I met Annora on the her house. I decided halfway there to take her to a small diner to have dinner. There she shared her first love story with me. I agreed to help her find the man that still held her heart. He, too, was a soldier in the United States Armed Forces.

“You surprised me tonight. The cold and distant mask you wear slipped when you told me about your past. She is beautiful.”

“I surprised myself too. She is one of two women that I have let past my guard. Her power over me is strong because she still owns my soul.”

“Do you really think you can find him? Why would you do that for me after how I acted. tonight?” Rebecca asks.

“If he is still active, I can try. I am doing this because I know what it is like to be separated from your heart.”

I have the connections to find the man, and after hearing her voice as she told me her story, I feel I owe it to them both to reunite them. Who knows, maybe their story will end better than mine. The way Annora looked at me lets me know that there may never be a happy ending for us.

I know the coming battle will be difficult for me. This one won’t involve bullets flying by my head, explosions in the distance, or the fear that today will be my last on this earth. This war will be e one of the mind against the heart and soul.

My heart is still with that eighteen-year- old who claimed it as hers long ago. My mind knows that I am no longer the boy she loved.

This war is mine to fight alone.