Life, Once Again

Chapter 1021. Han Haneul

Our last life began. I approached the depressed Han Haneul in the same outfit as before and the way she was surprised and stuttered was the same as well. Just as the grim reaper said, this life had a set repertoire, meaning, it was a train on rails. Unless someone switched the direction of the rails, my husband would ultimately die, being hit by Kang Giwoo in a car. The results were predetermined, and I can’t do anything but watch? I wasn’t going to accept that.

I guided my deceased husband. I tried my best to give him hints, but my mouth did not move as I wanted it to. I said the exact same things as I did before and sent him away. The world started moving again. This was no time to stay downtrodden. I immediately looked for the masked man. He said that he would play the role of a wake-up bell and that my husband would reach the choice of committing suicide through him. If I could persuade him to stop that, I should be able to derail the train that was rushing towards despair.

“I will do my best, but it’ll probably be difficult. Both you and I are far from things like free will. We have our own egos, but we cannot escape what is given to us. I also do not wish for Mr. Han Maru’s death. There’s no one who wishes for their own death. However, there’s one conclusion I wish to avoid even more than that. If that happens, I will proactively offer Mr. Han Maru the choice to commit suicide.”Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

“I do not want that kind of conclusion.”

“I know. I know better than anyone else. Likewise, you must know how I feel.”

“You’re a cruel man.”

“I’m sorry. But I do not have the confidence to accept a world where you, Haneul, die. I’m a coward after all.”

The masked man took off his mask. Tears fell from the corner of his eyes. I grabbed his hand.

“I won’t let anyone die. Whether it’s you, or the two people down there. I will not give up on the conclusion where everyone becomes happy.”

“Yes. That sounds like Han Haneul.”

After a strong hug, the masked man departed for the world below. He talked to my husband by his side just like the last life. The world looked like it was heading from 12 o’clock to 12 o’clock again, not allowing a single change.

I immediately approached Han Haneul. I started doing things I hadn’t done until now. I kept talking to her. I had already realized that it was meaningless in the hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of repetitions, but there was nothing else I could do. The world where my husband and Han Haneul lived was cut off from where I was.

I felt rushed. The concept of time I had forgotten about became extremely sensitive as it hit my head. Every single passing second felt like a waste. I had to do something, it couldn’t end like this.

A few months passed as I went between my husband and Han Haneul and talked to them. Nothing changed. If I kept watching, fate would walk towards the predetermined future. I had to stop it, no matter what I had to do. Han Haneul, get yourself together. Do something, anything.

-Is it really a bad thing for things to end like this?

I heard a voice from somewhere. I immediately realized who the voice was from. It was the hateful god. I shouted in the air,

“Is it fun to toy with people like this? Are you still a god after that?”

-People are truly unfair. I do not wish for anything from you. However, you always desire things from me. Your own safety, the happiness of your family, the stability of society, the peace of your nation. I have never repressed you. In fact, I gave you freedom. However, it was always you who have given up the freedom to create classes to pursue benefits. All the while, using the absurd reason that it is ‘my will.’

“Yeah, I’m sure you must feel unjust. But that’s not my problem. I don’t even want to talk about something grandiose like that. I just want to say that I’m not your toy. If everything is determined according to your intent, then why did you have me do something like that? Was it fun watching me walk towards a pitfall step by step?”

-I have only given you an opportunity because you wanted one. Must I do more?

“Yes. I will have you do more. Allow me to participate in this game as well. I mean, isn’t it funny if you think about it? The person doing the gambling can’t even sit at the table or do anything but watch. You can’t call that a participant. That’s a spectator.”

-You really do not want to lose a word.

“Well, you must know best. Aren’t you the creator? If you don’t like my personality, then do something about it with that godly power of yours. No wait, you are omnipotent and omniscient, so you must have known about this beforehand too, right? That I would go against you like this, and that I would complain to you like this. Now, what should I do? Should I kneel down and beg? Should I desperately plead to you to take my life instead of my husband’s?”

I clenched my teeth and went against him. I could feel my dry well of emotions filling up again. If the so-called god was in front of my face, I would have punched him.

-If I knew all of that, what game would be fun? If I know the outcome before the cards are even handed out, then the very act of splitting the cards will not be necessary. It’s true that I know more than you do, and can do more than you can, but I’m not omnipotent or omniscient. That’s why it’s fun to watch you. You sometimes do things outside of my expectations. Also, I wish for those things to happen. If the absolute majority just give up midway and let their body float down the flow of the river, people such as you, who grab a rock and resist the current, are an extreme minority. I like the minority. They are precious. When I look at people like you, who prove their own worth, I sometimes do things like this.

The moment god’s voice stopped, I realized that I could now interfere with the world below. It was permission given to me by god. It was not an extreme ability that could break the game just like the masked man, but it was plenty of power to escape the predetermined ending.

-Destiny is something you pioneer on your own. I like these words a lot. However, you must remember that there is a duality to famous sayings. If you keep pursuing the ideal, reality will drag you down. Compromise is inevitable.

God left. No, ‘left’ wasn’t the right word. He should be everywhere after all. I engraved the word ‘compromise’ in my head and approached my husband. We finally got to talk after an extremely long time, but I could not say a lot of things. Showing my emotions was no good either. I could not give him a sense of discrepancy.

I lied to my husband. I told him that the world was split off with his death, that his wife and daughter were still living in the world in which he died, and that they had no financial difficulties thanks to insurance. I showed him that his love still existed, albeit in a different world. I tried to make him hesitate over Han Haneul, even if it was just a little.

However, that was useless. My husband’s heart did not change. Above all, the device set by god made everything meaningless. His memories slowly faded away. He would lose his memories starting from the moment of his death, and eventually, he would no longer remember anything about his previous life. Those lost memories included the conversations he had with me. My husband, who possessed the caution and inflexibility of a forty-five-year-old man and suspected everything in the world, would soon turn into a man no different from his peers.

I was really running out of time. He had already met Han Haneul, so I had no choice but to break them up. That was for the best. I appeared in front of my husband again. This time, as a fortune teller with tarot cards. I gave him ‘The Fool’ card. It was the card that contained the masked man’s figure. Ignorance and a new challenge - I put my own feelings into the card that possessed those two meanings. He would gain enlightenment in this life. He would come to realize that the reincarnations had been repeated numerous times and that only an extreme method would allow him to escape it. My husband would gladly give up on his own life for the sake of Han Haneul. However, what if the moment of enlightenment is pulled forward, when they’re both young and not dating deeply yet? He might choose the option of not meeting her instead of giving up on his own life. That was what I wanted from him as well. I wanted to end this game where neither of us dies.

I also asked for the masked man’s cooperation. He said that he would help, but he also said that it was impossible to stray a long way from the predetermined path. He was not as liberal as I was. I appeared in my husband’s dream with him. I took the form of a rabbit that I liked the most. I stimulated his mind, gave him hints to deduce the truth, and tried my best so that this game ended with no one getting hurt.

And there were results.