Ex-Husband's Regret

These past few weeks have been hectic, and I’m not talking about the time I spent in prison. Am I okay? Definitely not. I’m so far from okay that nothing in my life makes any sense right now.

I won’t hide the fact that I’m lost. I had this plan. This goal and a dream to one day be with Rowan. I focused on that dream for so long that it became the very air that I breathed. Everything I did, I’ve done was propelled by dreams of having Rowan back one day.

I mean, damn, I even became a lawyer because of him. I knew that one day he was going to ask Ava for a divorce, and I’d be there to support him. I truly believed that Ava would fight it, would refuse to let go, and I would be there to fight her because I’ve never lost a case. I’m the best divorce lawyer there is.

All of that crumbled, though. The moment Rowan sent me to prison, my fairytale dreams and illusions were destroyed. Now here, I am feeling like the rug has been pulled from right under me. I have no direction or purpose, all because I made a man my priority.

Don’t get me wrong, I have accepted that Rowan doesn’t belong to me anymore, but that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t hurt, because it does. It hurts like a motherfucking bitch.

Standing up, I get off my bed and slowly head towards my dressing table. I felt like a zombie, to be honest. I sit down and just stare at myself. The woman staring back at me is a complete stranger. There is nothing familiar about her.

I look pale, I have dark purple eye bags, my lips are chapped, and my blue eyes are dull. I pull my gaze away from the mirror and stare at my folded hands on my thighs, unable to look at myself anymore.

Sighing, I stand back up once again and move to the window, staring outside, hoping to find some peace and comfort.

I should have known. It was clear as day, yet I refused to accept what was staring at me right in the freaking face. Rowan loved Ava. I was delusional, thinking that he still loved me and that he still wanted me. I mean, come the fuck on, there is no way you could stay with someone for nine freaking years unless you felt something for her.

He had so many chances to walk away. He could have asked for a divorce a year or so after Noah was born, yet he didn’t. Why is that? We all thought Rowan would be the one to divorce Ava, but we were all shocked when it turned out to be vice versa… And if Ava hadn’t asked for a divorce? That means they would still be together.

The more I thought about it, the more the pieces started falling into place. Rowan isn’t the kind of person to be forced into doing anything. He didn’t have to marry Ava years ago. I mean, hell, he could have just agreed to pay child support and have half custody, but he didn’t.

He also didn’t have to stay with her for nine freaking years, yet he did. No one forced him. No one pressured him. It was his decision to stay because some part of him knew he couldn’t let Ava go. That’s why, even after their divorce, he just couldn’t stay away from her.

“Emma?” I release a tired sigh at the sound of my mother’s voice.

She doesn’t knock; she just enters my room like she owns it. She did, though, because since I was released from prison, I’ve been staying at the family estate with her. This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.

“Yes, Mom”

Her brows pull down in a frown, and her nose scrunches up in distaste. “You desperately need a shower. You stink, Emma.”

I don’t say anything. Instead, I move around and sit on my bed before facing her. She was here for a reason. I just had to sit patiently and wait for her to tell me why she was in my room.

“I’m worried about you, Emma. You’ve been cooped up in this room since you came back home. It can’t be healthy at all. Plus, Molly is worried about you, and so are your friends. Molly told me you’ve been ignoring their calls.” She crosses the room and sits down next to me.