Alpha Billionaire Series

ALICIA

I needed to start looking for a job. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. When I lost my job at Jordan Press, I had given myself a few hours before I was making calls. But this time, I couldn't. I don't know what was preventing me from picking up the phone and starting to call all the contacts I made while with Hayes. But I couldn't.

It didn't feel right. I wrapped myself up in a blanket and sat in the corner of the couch while Ceejay played with his blocks oy the floor, and cartoons played on the TV.

“Hey,” Hannah said when she came home. “How did the job hunt go?”

“It didn't,” I confessed. “Maybe I should just go out and get a temporary seasonal job until after the new year? I don't think anyone is hiring right now anyway.”

She quietly stared at me. I knew she wanted to ask me more questions, but Ceejay was right there. I wasn't going to talk about it in front of him.

“What's for dinner?” she asked instead.

I hadn't thought about dinner at all. I knew it was my responsibility. That was part of our living arrangement. I cooked, especially now that I wasn't going into work. I tossed the blanket off my legs and stepped into the kitchen.

“I'l throw something together," I said as I began rummaging through the freezer looking for ideas, and food.

Hannah waited until I put Ceejay in bed before she brought up my lack of job again.This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org.

“I know you don't want to talk about it, but 'm concerned. You're acting so depressed about all of it.”

I was depressed over all of it. I had lost my job, and I had lost my boyfriend and I didn't even know why.

“Don’t worry. I have enough set aside for next month's rent, and I'll find a job. I will. Right now, I think I just need to hang ou with Ceejay. He's gotten so big the past few months and I've missed them being at work the whole time."

“He has gotten big. Look, I'll stop pestering you about a job. I think a seasonal temp job is a good idea. But promise me if you'll talk to me if it gets to be too much? I don't want you feeling like you are stuck, okay?”

I nodded. “Give me a sec’

I crossed the living room and pulled my tablet out of my tote bag and came back. I opened the calendar app I used and hit : new entry.

“Okay,” I started as I began typing. “I'll apply to five jobs tomorrow. I don’t want to be stuck in this mental hole I've dug for myself”

“How about three applications a day for the rest of the week? And if you get a job then, you don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm not trying to pressure you, I just.”

“I know what you mean. I do need to be pressured. I might have rent covered, but I'll be stuck with day-care and everything else”

“I'm glad you understand. I'm headed to bed."

Isaid goodnight and returned my focus to my tablet after she left for bed. I changed the five to a three and edited the event to repeat for the next three days. As I scrolled to the next week on the calendar, I noticed the numbers. Christmas was closer than I realized, but that wasn't it. Something else wasn't right.

Iscrolled back through November. Something was missing. October. Oh crap. I hadn't tracked my period. I'm sure I had it. It should have been the week of Halloween. That had been such a crappy week, that's when Christopher started acting weird. That had to be it. I was too distracted by him and stressed out over everything to have made note of it. Yeah, but that didn't explain why I hadn't had my period last week or wasn't having it now.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I blew out a long breath and held my cheeks puffed up as I thought. Well, it looked like I was taking a pregnancy test soon. Shit.

I didn’t feel like being very productive when I woke up the next morning. I had promised Hannah, and myself, that I would apply to at least three jobs. I had promised Ceejay we would go to the park, and I promised myself that I would find out if was pregnant or not. I made breakfast for all three of us. Hannah left for work, and I put Ceejay in front of the TV for mornin; cartoons.

If I was only going to apply for seasonal jobs, I didn’t need to worry about updating my resume. But that was going to need t happen. But not this morning. I pulled up my datebook on my tablet. I wished I still had that company laptop, that would have made this easier. I made a task of updating my resume and updating all of my online job profiles next week.

I was already feeling productive. I hit the two biggest stores at the mall, and the big box store websites and applied for work at those locations. So productive.

When I looked up, the timing was great, there were about ten minutes left on the show Ceejay was watching. Perfect transition time.

“Mommy is going to get dressed, and when this is over, we'll g0 to the park”

“Parki I want swings."

“Yes, sweetie, we'll do the swings."

I dashed into my room and threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. After pulling up a pair of mismatched socks, I shoved my feet into some fleece lined Uggs. I hated having cold toes.

And the park was cold. At least it wasn't wet, and it wasn't so cold as to threaten snow. It was the kind of cold where I couldn't even find a hint of warmth in direct sunshine. I let Ceejay run ahead of me and he went straight to the swings. Itwas kind of comical the way he ran all bundled up the way he was. If I was cold, then he must be too. I had a scarf tied around his neck, and a knitted beanie under the hood of his puffy winter coat. I lifted him into the swing.

An involuntary groan escaped my lips. I forgot how much of an arm workout lifting him up all the time had been. I felt weak. Itwas time to do a rep of Ceejay curls.

“Mommy needs to get back in the habit of picking you up."

He giggled as I raised and lifted him a few times before situating him on the swing. He was going to be too big for the safety baby swings soon.

“Practice holding on,” I told him.

“I do it. I am a big boy.”

“Yes, you are sweetie” No, he wasn't. He was my baby, but he hated it when I called him that. He would be my baby even when he was nineteen and as tall as his father.

Damn it. Why was I thinking about Christopher? I had gone almost a solid three years without thinking about him anytime I thought about Ceejay. My son had been my one and only concern. Now, Christopher would pop up and remind me that if it wasn't for him there would be no Ceejay.

Avery pregnant woman waddled behind her toddler. That would be me, possibly. And now, if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't be freaking out about possibly being pregnant.

What was it like having not to worry about being pregnant a second time? To have a family, a husband, who wanted children who took care of and provided for his children? I wasn't going to have that.

Pushing Ceejay on the swing, his repetitive back-and-forth motion made for a lot of reflective time. If I was going to have another one of Christopher's children, I should probably tell him. Did I tell him directly, or should I go through a lawyer?

I didn’t want his money, but I did want my kids to know their father. Especially since I now knew who he was. I didn’t have that luxury with Ceejay, not at first.

Maybe I should go back to Christopher? Tell him everything. He'd insist on paternity tests, I seriously doubted he would believe me. Whatever it was that turned him against me, definitely would have put him on guard to questions of legitimacy. He would never believe that he was the only man I had ever slept with.

Maybe I should go to him and ask for my job back. I really didn't want to work some seasonal job at a make-up counter or clean out dressing rooms piled with clothes. I didn’t know. Reflection wasn't giving me insight or helping me find answers. It was just more questions after more questions. My stomach lurched. It had to be nerves; I didn't do morning sickness.

“Hey, sweetie, are you ready for chicken nuggets?”

Ceejay behaved long enough for me to duck into the drug store and buy a pregnancy test. I also bought a candy bar to split after lunch since he was 50 good. After lunch and the candy, he fell asleep on the drive home.

As he napped, I learned that he was going to be a big brother.