A REASON FOR MARRIAGE

Sweat glistened on their skin. He could feel her soft breasts move against him with her breath, and unbelievably he could feel himself stir again. She felt it, too, and wriggled a little.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

Simon gritted his teeth and jaw. As much as he wanted this to be an oasis, to take her again and again, he had to remove her from here. Again he felt that untamed part of himself emerge, and he really wasn’t comfortable with that. It made him forget about being in control. And what was compounding this feeling now was the fact that Sara wasn’t just a lover any more, she was the mother of his child. And, he had to acknowledge uncomfortably, even that knowledge didn’t seem to diminish his impulses around her.

As Simon held her cradled against him for those moments, heart rates returning to normal, a vision of the future opened up before him, the clarity of which stunned him. In an instant he realized that the image, the desire forming in his head, was something he hadn’t been able to articulate before now, it had simply been too alien to him.

He never would have imagined that he would feel this way about it. That he wanted it so badly he could taste it. The chaotic tumult of emotions and desires whirling through him became secondary as he finally saw the way to reconcile the way she made him feel, to put order on things. He tried to make sense of what had just happened. He had to pull back. He had to exert some control. Everything had just changed irrevocably.

In the taxi on the way home Sara was wrapped in a delicious haze of satiety. She still couldn’t quite believe what had happened in a restaurant, albeit a private room, and she couldn’t stop looking at Simon. She lifted a hand to smooth the unruly tendrils of hair on the neck of his shirt. He caught her hand, lifted it to his mouth and kissed her palm. She felt like a different person, and a deep fear-inducing moment of panic gripped her. Was it already too late? Had she already allowed him in so far that she wouldn’t be sane again? Would walking away from him, which would inevitably happen, destroy her?

All she knew was that even when she’d believed she loved Bruce it had never felt like this, and she had a sick feeling that she couldn’t keep pinning these feelings on sex.

Simon was kissing her hand and looking into her eyes, but she felt a distance there. She’d felt it in the room after they’d made love. He’d been considerate and even tender, helping her to dress again. But there’d been a coolness there. As if he’d been embarrassed. By her wanton behavior? She cringed inwardly even as he still captured her hand. And she wondered how she’d come to read him so well that she knew something had changed.

__________

Something was definitely wrong. Since that night in the restaurant a week ago, Simon hadn’t made another move to touch her.

Yet he hadn’t left her alone like he had the first week. He’d come home early every day, they’d cooked or eaten out, but with an impregnable wall growing between them. Sara was too nonplussed and unsure to ask what was wrong. But all the time she was burning up inside, aching with desire, aching for Simon to just reach out and touch her, kiss her. She wanted to make the move, but she was too scared of what his reaction might be, and she couldn’t help but be afraid that this was the start of the end of his attraction for her. There had been something finite about the way he’d made love to her the other night.

All he seemed to want to do now was talk. About everything.

“Have you thought any more about how you want to handle work?”

Sara’s attention came back to the present and the discreetly exclusive restaurant that Simon had taken her to, which was round the corner from his apartment. She looked across the table at him and tried to bury the spike of lust that clenched her insides whenever their eyes met.

“I’m going to settle as many clients as I can now,” she told him, “I know that soon I won’t be able to move as much and I want to be prepared. My team is will be available whenever I can’t be and I’ll just handle things from home,”

He inclined his head. “Sounds like a good idea, and you can ask me for help anytime if you need it,”

Sara nodded. “Yes, thank you.” She was a little bemused at how easily he was giving her autonomy; she wasn’t sure what she had expected. She must have looked a little shocked, because Simon sat back with a wry look on his face.

“What did you expect-for me to refuse you the chance to continue doing your job.. Which I know you love so much? To stay independent?”

She thought of the irony behind his words-she’d never been less independent. Sara flushed and said tightly, “I appreciate you helping me and paying for… Literally everything I need while I’m here, but you should know that I intend to pay you back,”

The ease with which he’d taken up responsibility of taking care of her had rankled with her. But she hadn’t been in any position to fight him.

He sat forward now and she sensed the waves of tension coming off him. His voice was clipped. “You know very well that whatever I spend is a drop in the ocean for me, and you’re the mother of my child. I was careless in protecting you from getting pregnant. It’s the least I could have done. So please, don’t mention it again, and I do not expect you to pay me back for anything,” He was genuinely angry.

She cradled her coffee cup in her hand and forced herself to meet his gaze. “I was careless in protecting myself, too, Simon, it wasn’t just your responsibility. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but we both know that you don’t really have to do all of these,” She shrugged and looked away for a second. “I guess what I’m trying to say, Simon, is Thank you,”

“You’re welcome,” he replied.